Saturday, June 8, 2013

Day 7: About my "practice"

I've been thinking for a little bit about my general practice and what I associate with and so on and so forth. I  did post an introduction, which is here if you haven't read it, and I never really got into the nitty gritty shit that some people get into about their religion. I am not a super serious kind of person, and I originally started this blog to be funny, and well whenever I start something with the intent for one thing, it usually fizzles out pretty damn fast. It does that because I limited myself to one topic and I quickly ran out of ideas because I blocked myself off from my creative area. If I try to force something, my brain shuts it off and starves it until I just let it go. I've been writing these witchy posts for the past week and my anxiety peeks every time I hit publish. It peeks because I am afraid that someone will come screaming at me that I am not doing something right, or that I am not a real witch or pagan or whatever. Not that anyone has done that yet, but I am still afraid that it will happen.

I still consider myself a novice and I am not a expert on any part of the craft or paganism or Wicca. I know that Paganism is an umbrella term that incorporates a lot of different ideals, traditions, and even religions. I know what Wicca is as I have researched the shit out of it. I took up this challenge of 100 days to push myself into being a better pagan and to be more active in my spiritual growth and religion. Just like I am doing the couch to 5k to make me better. I have started this transformation physically, mentally, and spiritually and I really want to see it through to the end. I have come to the point in my short life that I am tired of letting shit pass me by because I am too lazy to get up and go for it. I feel so dumb for wasting part of my life wallowing in the self pity "woe is me" party that I created and am dragging myself out of.

Anyway, what I believe in is that everyone has faith in something. Science, god, the president, the pope, whatever. Everyone has faith and I feel that everyone should respect that faith that people have. I love religious freedom and I used to love debating religion with people. I used to love it because it was food for the mind and soul and people need to be passionate about what they believe in. I stopped loving it because of how people would put me down for playing the other side of the field to keep it interesting. Why debate when people are so quick to jump on the name calling wagon and act like toddlers.

The deity I follow is the Goddess. Just her so far because I have felt no other god like presence. I feel her there when I reach out for her and she answers my prayers. Even in ways I don't really want. I barely do rituals. I don't enjoy them at all because of my anxiety about it not being perfect. I rarely do spells for the same reason. I love divination and my tarot deck. I really love my crystals and I am amassing a large candle collection because I keep saying I need candles even though I hardly use them. I like Silver Ravenwolf despite the hatred spewed about her and I know that her history is inaccurate. (Funny thing about history though, it's written by the winner and it always has something made up in it.) Anyway I love Scott Cunningham and his writing style. I'm passionate about animals. Especially cats. I want to be that crazy old cat lady when I grow up. I read somewhere that cats were conduits to the gods. Not sure how true that is but they seem to think they are. I believe in the power of thought and that positive thinking will get me through most situations. Sometimes even I forget this and the hubs has to remind me not to be so serious or to take things to heart so much.

Anyway I have a 5k to do tomorrow so it's an early bedtime for me. Good night or morning and hope your days and nights are blessed.

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