Day 14: Chanting

So I was going to just write a filler post here (I even started writing one), because my brain wasn't cooperating and then it hit me like a broom to the face. Chanting. Chanting is a perfectly witchy thing to do. I could say my brain is allowed to be absent during it, but that is totally not true. Chanting is one of those things that raises power, but if you are anything like me, and there is a chance that you might be remotely like me, words don't come out right. Or they refuse to leave your mouth the way they are supposed to and you are left fumbling a word so bad the person you are talking to looks at you like you have fell off your rocker and started whacking yourself with it. Yes the hubs has given me that look. I like chanting as a way of raising power because it does not require me to dance, bang a drum, or something. I can't dance, and I don't have a drum. Chanting is also a step a way from singing (in my mind it is), which I do every day even when I sound awful. The hubs' bleeding ear drums are proof of that. Anyway, there it is. Chanting. Yep.

Off to ice my bruise from the broom... Laters. <3

Day 13: Charging Crystals

I love crystals. I really do. They are so pretty and they are like nature's batteries. Great for learning how to feel energy and stuff. Anyway, I was at this wonderful second hand store a few weeks ago and I found this beautiful little rose quartz. I had to get it. It screamed at me. I've been waiting for full moon to charge it, however there are many different ways to cleanse and charge crystals, so I might as well do it tonight!

Isn't it purty!? (It is rose quartz... terrible lighting.)

So I totally had to look up ways to cleanse a crystal that didn't involve the moonlight. I had to rule a few out, seeing as I don't have natural source of water handy. I don't really think the tap counts, and well I live in the desert. Oh look I can use a bell! I have 3 bells... I think I will use my triple goddess one and hope I don't wake the hubs. He might smother me in my sleep when I finally get to bed.

Love the triple goddess symbol.

Okay so the instructions say to ring the bell with the crystal as close to the origin of the sound until I feel the energy of the crystal become clear. Alrighty I am on it! (I do not suggest doing this late at night. It's like making popcorn in the middle of the night... Sounds super loud even though I am sure it isn't that loud.)

Crystal cleansed and charged. Time to go curl up under my warm blanket and cuddle a little with my human heater.

Peace, love, and apple sauce. <3

Day 8, 9, and 10: Spirituality

First off I would like to apologize for being absent for the last 2 days. I did a 5k... even though I walked most of it, it was still hard on me since I walked faster than I have ever actually walked before. It completely wiped me out. So without further ado I would like to present my take on spirituality.

Spirituality to me is supposed to be easy. Anything that doesn't feel natural to me just doesn't happen. My body and brain blocks it. My brain flat out refuses, and I just don't feel it. I can't force myself into believing in spirit or in any kind of divinity if I just don't believe. Spirituality flows like water through me. I was in the shower a week or so ago, and I was thinking about the deities I believe in and what deity that I wanted to desperately believe in but I couldn't. As soon as I accepted that I couldn't force myself into believing or following this deity, I felt relief. I felt a wash of relief all over my body that made me feel great for acknowledging what was hindering my spiritual growth as an individual. I was forcing myself to include and pray to a deity that I just could not feel or follow. That deity was not my life, or in my life. I stopped my spiritual growth by trying to include a deity I was told to worship. Well that just didn't work.

I just let go. As soon as I stopped forcing my brain and my body to try to feel something and see something that wasn't there, my heart opened up to the deity I felt and saw and embraced in my every day life. I see my  deity every single day in every single thing I do, and see, and be a part of. Even playing video games, or scrap kit making, or anything I do as a hobby. My deity is the Goddess. I know her by no other name other than Goddess. She is my light and dark, and even though I have problems embracing the darkness again, it is still a part of her, and me.

When I talk to my hubs about things that go on in my head, I don't quite know how to tell him about them, and he doesn't quite know what it's like to feel these things either. I never felt these things when I embraced the darkness in my head, instead of shying away like a little rabbit to scared to realize the darkness isn't infinite. There was a time when I was consumed by that darkness and it took me a long time to reach the light, and when I did, I really didn't want to give it up. I am still trying to find a balance. The Goddess has been helping me find this balance between the two. My self destructive behaviors have dropped dramatically. I am not going to elaborate on the self destructive behaviors and just leave those sleeping dogs lie.

Anyway, I guess what I am trying to get at, is don't force belief, and don't force faith. When it's time to believe, to feel, or to have faith, the divine will be waiting to embrace you. And if it's not a divine being, then it's whatever you find to be a source of divinity. Be it plant, machine, or even a person.

<3

Star Gazing

So I saw on the I fucking love science Facebook page that Venus and Jupiter were going to be visible last night (and tonight too!). So I was at my dad's house, and he has wide open spaces, and a clear view of the western horizon. I totally wanted to see the planet/Goddess that ruled my Sun Sign, and add in the king of the gods on top of that? I was all over it like stink on a wet dog. So I waited. Sun was going down, got a beautiful picture of my sons sitting in the doorway, and watched the sunset. I made the hubs bring the binoculars to see her in her glory.

Sun goes down, stars start coming out, Jupiter looking amazingly bright, and still the Goddess of Love and Beauty still didn't show her darling face. I was disappointed! I thought maybe the distant mountains were in my way from seeing her. The darling hubs insisted that I calm down and wait a bit longer while checking out the other early stars that came out to play, and we did. We enjoyed it so much the hubs actually said we should do it more often. I told him if we did we totally need to get a telescope, because that would make it so much more awesome. 15 minutes pass by and I spot her. She was at least a thumbs width above the mountains and I squealed in happiness. It had been a long time since I stopped and checked out the stars and planets. It was amazingly beautiful and I was ecstatic.

Peace, love, and star sprinkles.

Ostara Pictures!

So I totally took pictures of my nature walk and of my Ostara alter. Anyway, here are some pictures of the awesomeness that was Ostara. I know this is a little late but I kept getting side tracked every time I went to do this post! Anyway, here we go.

General windy desert splendor. That is the first sighting of that mysterious rock wall.

A picture of my dog, Mark.

Another Mark picture.

The rock wall, which I have no idea what it is or was. Just that it looks like it caved in.

Another picture of a different angle.

My boys, and Mark.

Another of the boys and Mark.

One of the hubs and my boys.

No there are no pictures of me... all pictures of me get digitally burned. Actually didn't think of taking a picture of me out there. Anyway, my nature walk with the family was fun, even the boys loved it. They keep asking when we are going back out there for another walk. So I guess it's going to be sooner rather than later.

Oh and before I forget! My Ostara Alter.

My eggs are awesome.

So thanks for tuning in for this picture post and I'll be back later with some witty commentary on something. Maybe.

Bleeeeehhhh and Spook

Sorry I haven't updated for a while. First I was busy and couldn't think of what to write, then I thought of something I could write, then I got sick. Which is where I am currently. In the land of Sicktopia stuck on the island of Abdominal Distress. I looked my symptoms up on Web MD this morning and it told me that I was having a heart attack and I should dial 911 right away... then I kept reading and it could be abdominal distress which heart attacks are frequently mistaken for, so I am just going to go with abdominal distress since I am still alive now. If I read that last night when I thought I was dying, I would have probably forced the hubs into taking me to the ER. I am not going to go into details about my abdominal distress, but I can say this, I would not wish it on my most terrible of enemy. (I currently don't have a most terrible enemy so I guess that point is moot, right?)

So before I got sick my post was going to be about the spooky and nearly shit myself story about an angry male spirit yelling in my face. So on the morning of Feb 27, I was scared out of bed by a very angry male spirit screaming in my face "Watch it (or "out"), mother fucker!" I immediately sat up, woke the hubs up to see if he heard it. He didn't. I couldn't lay back down. I was thoroughly freaked out, so I went into the kitchen and made some coffee and huddled around it until I could stop freaking out. See that was the scariest spirit experience I have ever had. I have never been yelled at by any spirit ever, and with that level of anger that came of that dude. I shudder even thinking about it. Anyway, so being the smart person I am, before I go to bed I decide to go and take a picture of my side of the bed with my digital camera. Well, that wasn't smart. I look at the picture and I swear I see a pair of eyes looking at me over my side of the bed. I freaked the freak out. The next day, after sleeping so poorly the night before, I convinced the hubs to give me some money to buy a sage stick. I went on my favorite magickal website, and ordered me a smudge stick, a smudge pot and a black feather. I got the sage with sweetgrass. The smudge pot was smaller than I expected, but I didn't really read the description either, so that one was on me. Anyway, so I got it in the next week, and I waited for the right time to smudge. Which presented itself a week later when the hubs took the children to the park.

I light the stick... I light it again.... and again.... and again. What in the actual fuck? I get it to light for two seconds and it goes out, produces little smoke and then goes out completely. Just before I got frustrated, I managed to get it lit and I do a walk through. My nose is a little stuffed this day because this is when I am starting to get sick, so the smoke smells like marijuana to my stuffed nose. I thought for sure one of my neighbors in the complex or maybe even the apartment manager was going to run up to my apartment and bang on the door, wondering why I am smoking it when there is a clear no drugs policy. As I am walking through my apartment I am saying, "If you are nice, you can stay, if you are mean, get out now." I grew up with nice spirits never bothering me, every once in a while getting a little spooked by the odd shape in the corner, but never a full out scream in my face. So I finish the walk through, and I am tired at this time. I snuff my smudge stick and let the smoke drift through the apartment. All windows and most doors are open. Couldn't have the front door open because I don't think my neighbors would appreciate my dog running around and jumping on them while desperately trying to get them to play with him. That dog is a people attention whore. I veg out in front of the computer for a little bit, then I close all the windows and do a happy jig because I can finally go into my bedroom without anyone else. The mean spirit I felt was gone and now I am no longer afraid.

Not sure how to end this whole thing... maybe if you get the shit scared out of you by an angry spirit, tell them to get out and smudge the shit out of your place. Oh and don't Web MD any symptoms for anything. According to them your death is immediate.

Peace, love, and hot dogs.

Talking to a crow

So this morning I dragged my ass out of bed, dragged my ass into a shower, then dragged my ass to take the dog out. (After I got dressed you sick perv.) You can totally assume that I was dragging ass this morning. Anyway, I have the dog on his leash, we are on our way out side, when I notice that had rained. I was halfway down the stairs before I realized it was still raining. The dog was too far downstairs and I didn't want to drag him back up so I just kept going. Crazy lady walking her dog with wet hair and no sweater. I'm hardcore like that.

So anyway we walk across the complex, walk across the parking lot and I let the dog do his business, and a crow lands on a tree across the street and starts cawing.

Me: Hi. How ya doin?
Crow: Cawcawcaw
Me: Oh yeah I know I should have gotten a sweater.
Crow: Cawcawcaw
Me: You know if anyone came out here and saw me talking to you, they would think I'm crazy... Of course I probably am... unless your Morrigan. Are you Morrigan?
Crow: *silence*
Me: Okay well, nice chatting with you Morrigan.

I tell the hubs about this and he looks at me and says "Please don't tell me you are turning into that person who post shit like: Okay I'm sitting down. Having a cup of coffee now." I respond with, "No of course not, I had a conversation with a goddess. It's pretty relevant to my blog."

Book Review: Wicca For Beginners

So I am thinking I am going to write reviews for books I snag from the library, and possibly buy later. (Buy if I actually like it.)

So in the small town that I live in, the library is small, and has a small selection of everything. Except for Janet Evanovich novels... they have them ALL. Which is great because I could get like 6 Stephanie Plum novels every week until I finished the series at 18.... What? It's an addiction. (Yes I know 19 is out now. I just don't have the funds to get it right now and I haven't trolled the library to find it either...)

Anyway, last year I was in the non-fiction area of the library looking for ghost story books because the hubbs just loves those books and I stumble across Wicca For Beginners. I thought what the hey, might as well grab it and read it. I was introduced to Wicca in my youth and I enjoyed the concepts, the philosophies, and the fact that there was no central church saying what you can and can't do and if you don't follow you are going to hell or whatever bad place bad little witches go. The downside is that there is no accountability for me because I don't have anyone into it where I live, and if there is I have no idea how to talk to them. I want a coven, and a teacher, and someone to talk to about this stuff. I want reassurances that I am not going to screw it up and end up cursing my own ass if I say something the wrong way. Not that I would mess with curses or anything. Anyway back on topic, so I snag the book and take it home. We were living with my dad at the time who is a conservative Christian in his head, and I didn't think he would appreciate the book so I read it when he was at work or asleep and quickly hid it when he came home from work. Which is exactly what happened when I was a teenager. I am a grown married woman, with two children and I am hiding my secret book from my dad just like when I was a teenager. If there is no irony in that, then I have no idea what irony is.

I read the book in two days, and kept revisiting it over the two weeks I had it. It is very good for beginners, and gives an amazing intro on the subject. It gives a basic run down of rituals, the sabats, esbats, and a rundown on the theologies. It encourages you to keep going with learning the craft, and even gives recommendations on where to go from there. Overall it is fabulous for beginners and I found it easy to read and it has easy to follow directions. I also love how the author doesn't talk down to the readers, and keeps it real. She encourages people to go out and get more books on it, and to keep moving forward with it, if that is what they want.

So I recommend this book for people who are just beginning and want an introduction to Wicca, and it's many facets.

Intro

So this first post I am going to put up here is going to be a quick intro to me, and to what I hope to accomplish (if anything) with this blog.

Here I am, quirky, slightly sarcastic and entirely full of shit. My name is Nichol, and yes it is a different spelling, which some people have a hard time remembering. Like my high school English teacher. I love her to death, and she was one of the biggest influences in my life, but that woman could never remember the spelling of my first name. Especially since I had her for all 4 years of various English/Creative writing classes. I have been into Wicca and Paganism since I was a teen, and just recently as in last year, I started to try to practice it. I say try only because I suck at follow through on things, and planning ahead is really not my strong point. I am a fly by the seat of my broom kind of person. See what I did there? Yeah I used a pagan reference. That totally gives me pagan points. My life is fueled by peanut butter sandwiches, cartoon movies, and a mainline of some sort of caffeine into my system. My two wonderfully awesome, yet psychosis inducing children are the reason why I can make peanut butter sandwiches blindfolded, and recite nearly all cartoon movies by heart. My oldest, 5, has Autism, it is high functioning, and it's not a crutch for him, and no I don't hate it. It makes him unique in that fabulous one of a kind way. My youngest, 3, is as strange as they come. The other day he told me he was a Vampirate, which is so utterly fantastic and hilarious, there is no way he can't be mine. My husband and main squeeze, some how puts up with my random outbursts of weirdness, and loves me despite it. He takes me with a grain of salt, and two xanexs. Actually that last part isn't really that true, it's only one xanex and a large jack n coke. Okay fine, he doesn't take xanex and he rarely ever drinks and if he does, it's just a beer.

Onto what I hope to accomplish with this blog... I am not sure I hope to accomplish anything except put out my brand of humor and throw a random pagan twist onto things. I don't really take a lot of shit the wrong way, and I am sarcastic to a fault. I really enjoy tongue in cheek humor, and pretending to take things the wrong way just to make a fuss for no other reason than the entertainment value, and to see people's reactions. Some people are just too serious. Seriously.

In closing, I am witty, hilarious, and awesome. Even if it is in my own mind. So if you feel up for it, join me in my struggles to find the humor, and throwing a pagan twist on just about everything. <3