Day 11: Using my Tarot

So I decided to do tarot today. I usually can't think of anything to ask while doing tarot but today I managed to think of three things. I usually do a 3 card spread to answer a yes or no question.

Anywho, here is a picture of my tarot deck.

Its the Tarot of the Cat People

Then my cat decided to help with my tarot reading.

Pet me. Now.

After I petted her and got her to move I started shuffling the deck with my mind on my first question. 

Should I go running tomorrow?

Aren't those little kitties cute?!

The first card (reversed King of Pentacles) means peril or danger, the second card (Page of Swords) means Vigilance, and the third card, (reversed Five of Swords) means a chance of loss or defeat and weakness. Well I took this as meaning, if I do decided to go running tomorrow (well later today) that I should be vigilant, or I may hurt myself or be too weak to actually get through it. Since it is an overwhelming amount of negativity for this one, I am going to go with an overall no for the answer to the question.

My next question was: Should I redo week 4 of the C25K?

All reversed... hmmmm..

The first card (reversed Fool) means faulty choice and bad decision, the second card (reversed Nine of Wands) means that there would be adversity and delays, and the third card (reversed Queen of Cups) means inconsistency of honor. So I interpret this to mean that if I go ahead and do the week over again, that I would just be adding more adversity and delay to my running, as well as it being a bad decision. I should just continue with the program as written. So the answer to this question is a no.

The third and final question I asked t his evening was: Should I do the 5k at the end of the month?

They are all right side up!

 Well this certainly looks like a very positive reading right off the bat. The first one (Six of Swords) means, success after anxiety, the second one (Eight of Swords) means turmoil and domination, and the last one (Six of Pentacles) means gratification. Well I always have anxiety about anything I do, and I feel like this is telling me that I will do it even though I have anxiety about it, and despite the turmoil, I will dominate myself, and be gratified with the outcome. So all in all this one was my first and only yes of the evening.

I love tarot because it is open to interpretation, and the cards are so beautiful. I started tarot in high school with a Rider-Waite deck and LOVED it, but I either gave my deck to someone or lost it after I bought this one. I am a huge cat person, so this deck is great, however I don't have the same connection to this deck that I had with the Rider-Waite deck. I think I just need to spend more time with the cards. Anyway, you can find this deck here.

Anyway, off to bed with me. I need to take the oldest wee one to school in the morning! <3

Day 8, 9, and 10: Spirituality

First off I would like to apologize for being absent for the last 2 days. I did a 5k... even though I walked most of it, it was still hard on me since I walked faster than I have ever actually walked before. It completely wiped me out. So without further ado I would like to present my take on spirituality.

Spirituality to me is supposed to be easy. Anything that doesn't feel natural to me just doesn't happen. My body and brain blocks it. My brain flat out refuses, and I just don't feel it. I can't force myself into believing in spirit or in any kind of divinity if I just don't believe. Spirituality flows like water through me. I was in the shower a week or so ago, and I was thinking about the deities I believe in and what deity that I wanted to desperately believe in but I couldn't. As soon as I accepted that I couldn't force myself into believing or following this deity, I felt relief. I felt a wash of relief all over my body that made me feel great for acknowledging what was hindering my spiritual growth as an individual. I was forcing myself to include and pray to a deity that I just could not feel or follow. That deity was not my life, or in my life. I stopped my spiritual growth by trying to include a deity I was told to worship. Well that just didn't work.

I just let go. As soon as I stopped forcing my brain and my body to try to feel something and see something that wasn't there, my heart opened up to the deity I felt and saw and embraced in my every day life. I see my  deity every single day in every single thing I do, and see, and be a part of. Even playing video games, or scrap kit making, or anything I do as a hobby. My deity is the Goddess. I know her by no other name other than Goddess. She is my light and dark, and even though I have problems embracing the darkness again, it is still a part of her, and me.

When I talk to my hubs about things that go on in my head, I don't quite know how to tell him about them, and he doesn't quite know what it's like to feel these things either. I never felt these things when I embraced the darkness in my head, instead of shying away like a little rabbit to scared to realize the darkness isn't infinite. There was a time when I was consumed by that darkness and it took me a long time to reach the light, and when I did, I really didn't want to give it up. I am still trying to find a balance. The Goddess has been helping me find this balance between the two. My self destructive behaviors have dropped dramatically. I am not going to elaborate on the self destructive behaviors and just leave those sleeping dogs lie.

Anyway, I guess what I am trying to get at, is don't force belief, and don't force faith. When it's time to believe, to feel, or to have faith, the divine will be waiting to embrace you. And if it's not a divine being, then it's whatever you find to be a source of divinity. Be it plant, machine, or even a person.

<3