Day 7: About my "practice"

I've been thinking for a little bit about my general practice and what I associate with and so on and so forth. I  did post an introduction, which is here if you haven't read it, and I never really got into the nitty gritty shit that some people get into about their religion. I am not a super serious kind of person, and I originally started this blog to be funny, and well whenever I start something with the intent for one thing, it usually fizzles out pretty damn fast. It does that because I limited myself to one topic and I quickly ran out of ideas because I blocked myself off from my creative area. If I try to force something, my brain shuts it off and starves it until I just let it go. I've been writing these witchy posts for the past week and my anxiety peeks every time I hit publish. It peeks because I am afraid that someone will come screaming at me that I am not doing something right, or that I am not a real witch or pagan or whatever. Not that anyone has done that yet, but I am still afraid that it will happen.

I still consider myself a novice and I am not a expert on any part of the craft or paganism or Wicca. I know that Paganism is an umbrella term that incorporates a lot of different ideals, traditions, and even religions. I know what Wicca is as I have researched the shit out of it. I took up this challenge of 100 days to push myself into being a better pagan and to be more active in my spiritual growth and religion. Just like I am doing the couch to 5k to make me better. I have started this transformation physically, mentally, and spiritually and I really want to see it through to the end. I have come to the point in my short life that I am tired of letting shit pass me by because I am too lazy to get up and go for it. I feel so dumb for wasting part of my life wallowing in the self pity "woe is me" party that I created and am dragging myself out of.

Anyway, what I believe in is that everyone has faith in something. Science, god, the president, the pope, whatever. Everyone has faith and I feel that everyone should respect that faith that people have. I love religious freedom and I used to love debating religion with people. I used to love it because it was food for the mind and soul and people need to be passionate about what they believe in. I stopped loving it because of how people would put me down for playing the other side of the field to keep it interesting. Why debate when people are so quick to jump on the name calling wagon and act like toddlers.

The deity I follow is the Goddess. Just her so far because I have felt no other god like presence. I feel her there when I reach out for her and she answers my prayers. Even in ways I don't really want. I barely do rituals. I don't enjoy them at all because of my anxiety about it not being perfect. I rarely do spells for the same reason. I love divination and my tarot deck. I really love my crystals and I am amassing a large candle collection because I keep saying I need candles even though I hardly use them. I like Silver Ravenwolf despite the hatred spewed about her and I know that her history is inaccurate. (Funny thing about history though, it's written by the winner and it always has something made up in it.) Anyway I love Scott Cunningham and his writing style. I'm passionate about animals. Especially cats. I want to be that crazy old cat lady when I grow up. I read somewhere that cats were conduits to the gods. Not sure how true that is but they seem to think they are. I believe in the power of thought and that positive thinking will get me through most situations. Sometimes even I forget this and the hubs has to remind me not to be so serious or to take things to heart so much.

Anyway I have a 5k to do tomorrow so it's an early bedtime for me. Good night or morning and hope your days and nights are blessed.

Day 5: Prayer

So I have been doing this Couch to 5k thing and I have an app on my phone that is designed specifically for this. In case you don't know what the Couch to 5k thing is, click here for more info. So the reason I have been doing this program because I want to change my life for the better. I am a fat girl, and I am not in any kind of shape at all. Anyway, I did Week 4 Day 3 today, and I was having a really hard time getting through the second 5 minute strait run. My mind flirted with stopping mid run and going strait to the walking section and I was even about to press the button to lower the speed until I caught sight of my faith symbol bouncing against my bosom (yes fancy way of saying boobs). Instead of focusing on how tired my legs were or on the cramp creeping it's crampy way into my right calf, I just thought instead. "Thank you Goddess for the strength you have shown me to get through this." I repeated this in my head over and over until I got through the last 2 and a half minutes of the run section.

There is a reason why I didn't ask for strength to get through it, and a reason why I thanked for the strength that I already had seen inside of me. I didn't ask for strength because I knew I already possessed it. Asking for more strength is asking for more weight to help build it. I knew I could do it, and I just had to get through it. People use prayer for many different things, and I mostly use prayer to express how thankful I am that She is in my life, and how I feel Her helping me. The Goddess is with me, as well as within me.

(Pardon my disjointed thoughts, they are still on designing not on writing.)

Star Gazing

So I saw on the I fucking love science Facebook page that Venus and Jupiter were going to be visible last night (and tonight too!). So I was at my dad's house, and he has wide open spaces, and a clear view of the western horizon. I totally wanted to see the planet/Goddess that ruled my Sun Sign, and add in the king of the gods on top of that? I was all over it like stink on a wet dog. So I waited. Sun was going down, got a beautiful picture of my sons sitting in the doorway, and watched the sunset. I made the hubs bring the binoculars to see her in her glory.

Sun goes down, stars start coming out, Jupiter looking amazingly bright, and still the Goddess of Love and Beauty still didn't show her darling face. I was disappointed! I thought maybe the distant mountains were in my way from seeing her. The darling hubs insisted that I calm down and wait a bit longer while checking out the other early stars that came out to play, and we did. We enjoyed it so much the hubs actually said we should do it more often. I told him if we did we totally need to get a telescope, because that would make it so much more awesome. 15 minutes pass by and I spot her. She was at least a thumbs width above the mountains and I squealed in happiness. It had been a long time since I stopped and checked out the stars and planets. It was amazingly beautiful and I was ecstatic.

Peace, love, and star sprinkles.

100 days of Witchy ways.

What better way than to get rid of a little writers block than to come up with something to do daily? So I am struggling with ways of keeping up with my projects and I keep feeling like I am overwhelming myself. No longer! I am going to start scheduling things, and do them when they are scheduled.

I have started to train for a 5k next month, by doing the Couch to 5k program. I know only a month of training isn't going to have me running the whole 5k, but it's giving me some motivation to keep it up. I wanted to do the Color Run in Reno, but I don't know what happened to it. It disappeared off the Color Run website. Anyway, if I can schedule runs, then I should be able to schedule other things.

Like maybe 100 days of Witchy Ways. I've seen things like 100 days of clean eating, other 100 day challenges. I don't see this as a challenge though. I see this as fun. Just as I see the couch to 5k program. So far I am enjoying it so much I want to do it every day, even though I woke up this morning a bit sore.

So what should this 100 days of Witchy Ways start with? How about a house blessing? I need to do one of those. I am going to commit some time to making a list tonight and post it tomorrow.